I’m living on the edge…of insanity.

CAUTION: The following material may not be suitable for those contemplating marriage, having children or becoming a stay-at-home mother.  It may include-but is not limited to-ranting, raving, venting and bitchiness. You have been for-warned. Proceed with caution.

I want this week to be over. Actually, I want this chapter in my life to come to an ubrupt end.  I love my husband. I love my children. I love the little boy I watch.  Now, that I’ve said that, please give me one moment to do something, I desperately need to do: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, that didn’t work.

So, things started heading south last friday. I woke up in a GREAT mood. Andy was off that day, I didn’t have to babysit, and we were going to spend the day as a family. We were going to take the boys to Chuck E. Cheese’s that afternoon, then it was “First Friday” at our church, where they offer FREE childcare from 6-9 pm in order for the parents to date.  We were stoked. Then Connor woke up with a fever of 102. So, there went the day. I ’spring-cleaned’ the house and was more tired that day, than I usually am. Saturday, we were suppose to go to a birthday party, but Andy and I ended up butting heads in major way and spent most of the day not speaking to each other. We knew that neither one of us were in the mood to speak calmly about anything, and we don’t like to have these ‘discussions’ in front of the children. So we spent the day at home–practically avoiding one another until the kids were in bed. We talked for a few hours and we are trying to fix some things in our marriage/home. He feels that he does not receive respect as the head of this household. I bluntly told him, that it was not just a title—and he needed to step up and DO the job. I told him that I do agree that I could treat him alot better and repect him more, and he agreed that he does throw the majority of his responsiblities my way.  We agreed that he needs to be the main disciplinarian for the boys and that it won’t kill him to help with some household chores every now and then; especially since I was looking for a part-time evening job. We both got alot of things off our chests and we are better now.

Sunday, I sat down and talked to the parents of the little boy that I have been babysitting.  I explained that even after the many ‘talks’ we have had about some troubling issues, that I was not seeing any change in them and that I was looking for an evening job, and that they would need to begin actively searching for a new childcare provider. I explained that I was tired of not being paid on time, that I felt that they do not respect my time and that it is evidenced in the facts that they never call when they are late ( and we are talking VERY late) and they are constantly imposing on my weekends, by dropping him off so they can do whatever and not paying any extra. I told them how most daycares will not take a child if he is sick and how their son is ALWAYS sick and passing it along to my children. When I first started watching him, I agreed to do so as long as it worked for both families and now it’s not working for mine. They said that they understood and would begin looking. They dropped him off on monday and he was obviously not feeling well. His dad said he didn’t know what was wrong with him, handed him to me and left. Within the hour, the poor little guy had a fever and was vomitting and it took me over 4 hours to get ahold of his parents. Then they said they would be here in a few minutes and didn’t show up till 4 pm.  I told them not to bring him back till his symptoms were gone. The next morning, the brought him back and by noon, he was sick again. I called them and they would not come get him.   I needed a night out, so my brother-in-law came and sat with boys while Andy and I went to dinner. It was very nice and I even landed a waitressing job and the upscale Italian restaurant where we ate.  I called the parents that night and told them I had found a job and that I was starting the next day. I asked how the daycare search was coming along and she said she hadn’t even called anywhere yet and that they still needed me to watch him. The next morning, while the kids were napping, I called all over our county and compiled a list of daycare openings and prices for her child. To make a very long story short———it is saturday now. I have their son and therefore am currently working 2 jobs.  They still have not called anywhere. I told them I could not do this much longer. I need to have time with my family and that I could be more understanding with the situation IF there were not openings at reliable places for their child. However, I will not put up with their laziness in not looking and that I will not be watching after friday the 18th. I also told them that they needed to have the FULL amount of what they owe me in wages by that date. Now they are being very snotty with me and I’ve just had it with them. I could smack them both and not thing twice about it, but I can’t do that. I’m having a hard time being Christ-like right now.

I’m in a bad mood. I have a lot of things to do today. My youngest son thought it would be funny to throw poop at me today and my husband is taking his sweet-ass time mowing the grass in order to avoid the chaos of three small children in the house.  I’m at the edge…….I can see the mental ward and straight jacket in the very near future. I’m tired, angry, frustrated and feel that I am have been completely taken advantage of. I feel that no one respects my time and that no one understands that I am not ‘Super Woman.’  I can’t do it all, ALL of the time. I feel unappreciated and I’m ready for things to change. One thing that I am happy with, is the fact that I am only going to have to work 3 nights a week at my new job and most girls are tipping out at $150 each of those nights…so, more money for less hours.  I’m just ready to close this chapter in the book of my life, let go of people that are just using me and begin to make time for myself. I need this time to take care of me so that I can be the wife and mother God has intended for me to be. I need this to come soon. Very, very soon. 

~ by charlotterounds on April 12, 2008.